Excellent responses - thanks for this. I quite like hearing about these things on a personal level.

I can see finding it sleazy that a therapist would amp up / down the warmth from client to client, as AY said. I can also see it being good practice. I guess it sort of depends on the degree. I'll change my approach from student to student, for instance. Some flourish on warmth and praise; others don't need or want it. Somehow this doesn't strike me as sleazy.

I think it must be true, though, that there's not really a rule of thumb, as ATAT said. As a matter of fact, I think your various T's have been remarkably inconsistent, ATAT. Almost as if each wanted not to be like the last. Not sure if they're breeding suckers - maybe cynics?

Xyn - Thank you for sharing this. I think you've expressed nicely how fluid these things are. This is part of the reason I've always had trouble categorizing myself in attachment theory - the most honest question to every answer seems to be "sometimes - it depends."

SD - Thanks for highlighting the quote:

"I think learning to let in someone's positive regard and to thereby learn that interpersonal experiences with trust-worthy others can be rewarding IS what the therapy is."

I also find this disturbing. Not because I think it's an illegitimate therapy goal necessarily - but because it seems so unilateral. As though the T privately just decided that this was the point of therapy and implemented a plan accordingly.