I'm sorry you're struggling, Pink. It doesn't sound like this therapy is very helpful. I don't think it makes much sense to do any kind of treatment that makes you feel less stable. I also don't think doing free association is a fantastic idea if bipolar cycling / stability is an issue.
Has your T specified what "less huge things" you can aim for and helped you stay on track? He/she should be. When I first saw my T in the midst of a hyomanic crisis and babbled on and on about Heidegger, he didn't allow me to free-associate my way into a deeper crisis - he shut that **** down and had me focus on small, specific (and, yes, surface-level) things that would immediately improve my stability and well-being. Existential questions could wait.
I agree with Lola that "let's work on how to live with bipolar disorder" makes much more sense.
Is it possible to see a different therapist?
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"Fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters; united with it, she is the mother of the arts and the origin of their marvels." - Francisco de Goya
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