Quote:
Originally Posted by healingme4me
The part of twisting you around to be the bad guy sounds familiar. Mine was a rocky hs into college relationship. A couple of decades ago. Certainly, in my own lack of maturation into my early adulthood, as far as, understanding healthy relationships and communication myself, it was a most confusing time. The damage led to some further not so well relationship choices, ones in which I learned to not speak up/speak out.(in those relationships, learned since because of the outcomes of full scale abuse)
I wish I had advice about friendships to give some type of insight. But as far as how you describe him, yep, yep, yep. Cannot say I've ever since bothered with any man since that is like that.
I certainly wouldn't call you foolish for seeing through new lenses what it was about him.
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Sorry to hear about your rocky relationship that you experienced decades ago that led you on journey of unhealthy relationships after that. I was on that journey with men too. I chose men who shared narcissistic, emotionally abusive, emotionally unavailable qualities with my father, like the man I feel foolish about whom I refer to and the friendships I now realize were also abusive to me, because I either set limits they didn't like, or I didn't set limits with these people, so they set limits for me that I didn't like.
I now see that despite our similar interests, we were incompatible for the long-term because he didn't respect the limits I set (my expectations, my boundaries), and I didn't agree with his limits that he set with me (when we briefly dated and had a long distant relationship, his letters were written in a very cold monotone, formal business style, not the funny, charming guy I had met in person, so it was very bizarre to read his letters which he used to break up with me).