I wish I was in a better place in my recovery right now to answer that question for you. I've spent a lot of time blaming myself for the things that he did to me. One of the things he did was to call me crazy. He said I was a f***ed up crazy b**** when he met me, he accused me of being a sociopath, he wanted to know what my therapist diagnosed me with (nothing, by the way, other than depression, at least that's all that he'll admit to me), that I must have some sort of mental disorder. Everyone, my therapist and my therapy group, tells me it's not me, it's him. I want to believe that, but it's really hard to believe when he's cutting you down constantly. The only advice I can offer is to keep trying to believe that it's him, not you, that has the problem. HE'S the abuser. HE'S the one that chooses to treat you this way. HE has problems. And his problems are not an excuse for treating you this way. My h is an alcoholic and I chalked up all his behavior to him being a mean drunk. Yeah, he's a mean drunk and he's also an abuser. They are two separate things. And please, please, please, talk to your therapist about what's going on in your relationship. You need the external validation right now. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.