Or maybe that is me.
Maybe it is me who is feeling
bumbling
oblivious
a little bit stupid.

because i don't know how to show him some things...

i don't know how to show him that some of the stuff i email really is me pouring out my heart.

i don't know how to tell him that it is really important to me that he can respond to that in that medium.

i don't know how to tell him that i'm really trying to do the work in the best way that i know how.

i don't know how to tell him that i'm scared. that i'm doing my best. that i feel like he doesn't notice or care that i'm doing my best sometimes.

he just wants me to walk the established path.

talk about your past...

and then you will be cured.

and i...

need to walk my own path.
need to find the path that is right for me.
maybe i'm making things harder for myself.
maybe i am.
but it is what i need to do.

i miss bob.
sometimes...
i felt like he understood me
in a way that most people don't seem to
projection, maybe
but why can't i have that projection for my t?
maybe i want to turn my t into bob
with the emails
:-(

i don't feel so well