i read something yesterday that resonated with me. it was about how when clients finally start to talk about transference that is typically manifested in their talking about the transference that they experience with OTHER figures in their lives. their spouse or a friend or their boss or whatever.

that after some time... if it is received well... then the client can start to experience (and talk about) the transference that they experience with their therapist. but it typically has to go by way of the first. to kind of test the waters. to kind of see how the therapist responds to different aspects of that.

i guess bob is kind of my test case. he brought out some of the best of me... he brought out some of the worst of me. i know it isn't really about him, of course. he doesn't really feature anywhere in there at all. but what he symbolised for me... that... that is what brought out the best and the worst. and i try and talk to my t a little about how much bob meant to me.

and i think he responds with distaste. i know he responds by trying to change the topic. maybe he feels a little bit helpless. doesn't quite know what to say.

he doesn't need to say anything. just needs to shut the %#@&#! up and listen. maybe say the odd thing to convey non-judgement and empathy and understanding. just something to convey that he can handle that. something to convey he can hold that.

so when it starts to transfer to him (to my idea of him) i have some faith that he can handle it.

i think he wants to circumvent the first and get to the second.

he doesn't seem to understand the second can only come by way of the first.