I agree that recording sessions would be an excellent choice. My T actually suggested I record sessions because I dissociate so much and couldn't remember anything he said. What I did remember I misinterpreted and always thought the worst of what I remembered him saying until I played the session back and realized I was wrong. I am NOT saying you are wrong I am just telling you what I tend to do and listening back has stopped so many ruptures before they even start. Actually they start in my head but I always make sure I listen back before I say anything to T about what made me mad during the session.

I told my T about this last session and how I feel guilty for always thinking the worst of him and how I don't trust him. He explained that it is totally normally for people who have experienced abuse as I have. He said there is a primal instinct to interpret ambiguous things as dangerous and to think the worst. It keeps me safe regardless of whether I am wrong or not. I felt so much better after he told me that. I didn't want him to be mad at me for always believing the worst of him but he was so understanding. We worked on some reframes of my twisted thoughts and while it is still hard for me to believe my thoughts are totally normal it was reassuring that he was so understanding.

Good luck to you. I hope you can find some peace with your thoughts. Triggers can be horrible and it is no fun to relive the trauma.