I've been spending a lot of time recently trying to figure out what I want and what my values are. My values changed considerably as I got more sick (physically and mentally) so I now have values which revolve around the reality that I'm sick. I'm trying to work within these realities because I can't seem to change them. I'm really struggling to figure out what I want that I CAN accomplish. It's rough!

If I were to suddenly become well, I'd want to go back to school to finish my degree. Probably doing something in social service or health care. I'd want to spend as much time with friends and family as possible and have a great job which made me feel proud and accomplished when my head hit the pillow each night. I'd want to earn enough money to provide security to myself AND my loved ones. I'd like to contribute in a hands on way to help my community and the people in it who are suffering. I'd want to learn at least 2 more languages also.

Now I'm trying to reconcile how to accomplish at least some of this while battling my physical and mental health issues. My therapist said during one of my last sessions that "I need to realize I may not get better" I've considered this myself but shrug it off because it doesn't feel helpful. Or is it better to accept my limitations completely, accept I will always live without financial security in relative poverty without a hope in the world of paying off my current debt. Accept I might never be able to work again? Accept I cannot leave my house without major physical and mental discomfort? Or do I keep hoping and dreaming that a cure will come? I don't think anyone can answer these questions for me, I need to find the answers myself. I go to bed each night feeling that a good nights sleep is all I need and I will wake in the morning "cured". It's such a let down but dreaming of being cured helps me escape .....I daydream a lot.....my daydreaming might even be pathological. Or perhaps therapeutic.....I just don't know.

Do you dream of being cured? Does it help or hurt you? What would change in your life if you were cured?