I'm 56-years-old, & was able to work for 25 years. Going on SSDI was a smack in the face, but I could no longer control my moods enough to work. I've been on disability for ten years now & feel it futile to dream of magical cures. At my age & with the lack of a work history for the past decade, I don't feel I'd have the ability to find another job. I hate to admit it, but one of my biggest fears at this point is losing Medicare. I've had three surgeries in the past year & have low co-pays on my psych meds. Without Medicare I'd have been more in debt than I am now.

Now, if you'd given me a magical cure 40 years ago, we'd be talking another ballgame. What I have most are regrets about the past...what might have been if I'd been able to maintain stability when I was in school & in my work life. My relationships would probably have been healthier & I would have been spared one hell of a lot of depression & regrets borne of manic episodes. I know, however, that both nature & nurture interact...& I can't blame my unstable past on biploar disorder alone. In fact, it annoys me a bit when some folks do this. In short, much to my regret & embarrassment, it's too freakin' late for a magical cure to alter my reality. Pessimistic? Probably. I don't want depression to plague me anymore, but I have to accept the present as much as I have to accept the past. Both are difficult...