have a little time to write now...

i don't know whats going on with me.. i thought i was doing ok and that the medication was helping manage things...

i've been so stressed out i think im just breaking again... i try so hard to manage all of the difficult feelings... i put forth a positive and nice face for everyone to accept and like and burry every thing else... i guess that im just exploding...

people cant see how i can hate my life... they dont understand me at all...

maybe im just at a critical mass... where its all too much... my entire life... there is nothing left to hold me down... i have no good things left for me to really fight for any more... i just dont want to go through this any more...
im so weak
its all coming out on its own... i black out...

im such a nice person and have never done anything to anyone before... its just not fair i have to hurt so much... i dont want to hurt any more... i just want it to all go away... i dont want to have the past i have had... i dont even want a future anymore... not in this nasty world... its all perverted... i just dont want any of it... its just not fair... i want to make it all go away...

i dont know what is going to happen to me... because i dont think there is anything anyone can do to help... i dont think there is anything that can fix me...

but i dont want anyone else to see me dieing like this... im such a monster...
trying my hardest to hide everything...

but what kinda life is it when you have to live a fake too...

i dont even know who i am anymore...

what im thinking anymore...

just sorry to everyone for ever being alive...