Like it or not, money is an issue in a relationship. I think you're going to have to sit down and talk with your husband about this . . . or you're going to explode and it will come out anyway. Better to do it when you're calm.

Unfortunately, your mother-in-law had many years to brainwash your husband inti thinking that this is a proper role for him to play. She succeeded, and he believes that. Trying to convince him to step back from that role is going to be awfully hard. This is something you're going to be struggling with for, probably, years to come. It's totally nuts, but it is what it is. Financially supporting his family of origin is all tied up in your husbands mind with what he thinks it means for him to be a good person. You're not going to change that thinking in a one hour conversation. That's why I say: be prepared for years of struggling against this.

It's inappropriate and just plain wrong. It can undermine all your plans as a couple and, even, the survival of the marriage. You have a huge challenge on your hands. Start by establishing that their should be no financial secrets between two partners in a marriage. You don't want your husband to try to simply hide from you what he does for his mother and the rest of them. You need to know where marital resources are going. Ideally, you should have access to all accounts your husband has money in . . . and monitor what goes in and out. At the same time, you don't want him tapping into your income to transfer it to his relatives. It might be prudent for your income to go into an account that your husband doesn't have automatic access to. Sit down regularly and "go over the books" and keep out in the open how much money your man diverts to these blood-suckers.

His folks are in their 50's and they're bleeding him. Getting older will simply make their neediness worse. That might be one of the things to point out to him in a calm conversation. Try not to get upset and angry when you talk with him about this, though you sure have reason to be. You must have had some idea of this unheathy relation with his family before you married him. But you probably didn't make a big issue of it then. So you can't honestly act all shocked now. This is the dynamic you married into.

In no way am I saying you should just accept this, but you married this man as he is. In a good marriage, spouses can influence each other to grow and change in a positive direction. Make that your goal, but appreciate it will be a long, slow process.

I agree that your husband (and you) are being exploited by his family. But he goes along with this willingly. You need to find a way to get him to re-think this. That family isn't going to change. They're leeches. If you manage to get him to step back from supporting them, they're going to figure out that you are upsetting their applecart . . . and they are going to resent you. They'll try to turn him against you. You've got a big challenge, but - now - your influence on this man can be bigger than his mother's. Just understand that she is not going to willingly step aside. She is going to battle you every step of the way. Despite that, you have to minimize open friction with her because this is a woman your husband loves. Don't get baited into being openly hostile toward her in front of your husband. Wives come and wives go, but the mother is always the mother.

Good Luck.