I stayed for 31 years;I didn't blame myself for not leaving sooner, because we are only able to do what we can do...when we are ready. Find a therapist who can help and call the domestic violence hotline; they can also help. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life. Abusers are excruciatingly insecure and often hate themselves; they have issues they have not dealt with and take those out on you. One sentence helped me leave; "Try to let the side of you that is trying to save yourself....win."We don't cause anyone to behave in any way. Everyone is responsible for their behavior. Unfortunately, abusers blame everyone else but themselves. Abuse is also brainwashing that is why you are so confused....also called "gaslighting."