I hope you got a little sleep and that your night didnt bring any more stress

I recently spent a few months drinking too much as well. Partly because I was bored and partly because of the mood swings. By the end of it I was drunk every day and so much more depressed. I spent a few nights in a cell because of my suicidal/explosive behavior while drinking. Then I went to a voluntary inpatient home(psychiatric) for 2 weeks and it was amazing the difference in how I felt after getting sober, I still felt like sh** because of the mood swings but after a few days I started to remember a few good things about myself and my life. All of that had dissapeared from my mind when I was drinking daily. I truly didn't believe that life would ever get better at that point. It still took a med change as well to get a little more stable but it took getting sober for my psychiatrist to even consider a med change. (I still think the meds caused the drinking but my pdoc said the drinking was why the meds didn't work)

I definitely think talking to a therapist if you are able to, as well as talking to your pdoc about a med change would be a good idea. Quitting drinking is almost impossible without help when emotions and thoughts are constantly overwhelming you. Take any help you can get would be my advice.

You should be understood and accepted, unfortunately way too many people don't even try to understand. I'm glad you cut yourself a little slack and I hope you realize that you aren't a bad person who should be hated, you just have a lot to deal with. I hope things start to get better for you soon, you deserve so much better