Quote:
Originally Posted by AllTheThingsIHide
So I am new here. I just want some advice. I'll give a summary of my childhood. Warning there is graphic details.
I had a really bad childhood, I don't know whether it could of got much worse.
I was hurt physically a lot by my dad
my mum fed me pretty much only out of date food
my sister sexual assaulted me
I never got hugs/kind words/kisses/any form of love
I have always been severely underweight but my family teased me that I was fat
a group of strangers gang raped, water boarded, cut, bit, beat me and other stuff when I was 11 then they threatened to chop me up so I didn't tell anyone until recently
I always had to witness my mum and stepdad try and kill themselves
I always felt I was never wanted by anyone.
I wondered after all of this and more, is it possible to live a normal adult life? I feel like I never had a childhood and sometimes I go very "little" almost as if I'm trying to get it back what I never had, it makes me feel good, especially when I get the caring reaction I want (from my boyfriend) I just deep down feel this is wrong. Can anyone give me any advice?
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I truly believe even after all of that you can live a normal life. Unfortunately it sounds as if you may be experiencing PTSD from your past, but that is to be expected I believe especially someone who has been through such a traumatic childhood. It also I believe it us somewhat common for children of abuse to "go little". And find it hard to mature beyond the point in their childhood that they recall the abuse. I'm not sure if the ramifications of this behavior mentally and emotionally but it doesn't sound as if you have anything to feel deep down is wrong. Especially if the boyfriend doesn't seem to mind reciprocating.
Don't feel guilty for doing what makes you feel good about your horrible past.
I do think you could benefit from seeking out the advice of a therapist to work through your past and put it behind you so you may move on.
Good Luck