Thanks, koru_kiwi, for pointing out the enmeshment. I think that happened for me as well, at a level I didn't really focus on. Plus it was "normal" and "required" in my family of origin and hence in some ways "felt good". Until my last T and I got to the point where we had very different feelings about things, somewhat different values and approaches to life in some ways, probably in part because of different temperaments. She couldn't deal with it. As I saw it, she had dealt with her issues by becoming a part of a "clique" -- the therapist clique. And I wanted an independent sense of self -- but with no role model it was and still is hard. I kept looking to her for that, I think.

Fortunately, it may well be that there ARE role models for that here on PC. And unconsciously seeking it, I was fortunately able to recognize that when I saw it. I want to be myself, and independent, but not totally alone in the world.