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Originally Posted by Travelinglady
I see folks are tackling your marriage, which I don't think is what you had in mind, did you? I can see their point, though.
Our 26-year-old son is living with us this semester--and he lived with us for awhile when he was discharged (medically) from the service. We are going to have him pay some rent, plus do some work for us. He is working part time while finishing his Master's.
It does occur to me that your SD has your hubby as a role model. Has he always smoked pot or has that been more recently? Do you have somewhere else you can live for awhile if your SD moves in with you? Sounds like hubby and SD need a wake-up call. It's a shame they are more than happy to take advantage of you.  I hope the SD gets to work somehow. The Army would certainly help grow her up! I gather your hubby hasn't asked her what she wants to do.
I honestly think you could benefit from some counseling. It has certainly helped any door-mat issues I used to have.  |
He has always smoked pot and he has always drank. I think he thinks whatever she wants to do doesn't matter to him because he thinks she should do something else. TO him she either needs to go into the army or work at the motorcycle shop with him. I mean she wanted to be a nurse, probably because that's what her mother is, but then she got such anxiety from that and then decided she wanted to be a pharmaceutical nurse, but then didn't. Now she is thinking a dermatologist, but I'm sure that won't pan out with having to go to Med School. If she can't handle nursing because of anxiety, she certainly won't be able to handle Med School. Plus that requires a lot of schooling which she doesn't seem to be fond of. She said she wanted to learn a trade and when H asked what she said farming. Well okay, that's not going to happen. She has always enjoyed drawing, but I'm not sure where that will take her.
And there's no plan if she moves up here. H won't set any time limits on her. If he's not going to enforce anything then I'm certainly not going to spend my days telling her to get on with her life. I take on the brunt of everything else with and around the house (bills, cleaning, groceries, yardwork). If I could be assured that she would be enrolled in school full time, working part time, helping out with bills and a deadline for when she'd be out, I'd be a lot more on board with it, but he won't enforce any of that. Sure he'll tell me he will but when he doesn't and I start getting agitated he will say "Chill out! She needs to take time to figure out what she wants to do".