Bless you for your optimism, Super Girl. Making a go of a business is harder than just working for someone else. It takes more drive, self-discipline and willingness to sacrifice today for the future. It requires a responsible approach to life. These are all virtues lacking in M.I.L. and her husband. So don't invest too heavily in setting them up in business. I know women older than your M.I.L. who are in business for themselves cleaning people's homes. This is what hard workers who want independence do. This woman is going to keep doing what she's accustomed to doing. She is going to always try and exploit her son.

It's sweet of you to want to think of her as your mother too. Wait till you see how much she's going to care for you. I think you'll discover she's a taker, not a giver. You're going to have to become a politician. You're going to have to say some things "for effect," rather than speaking from the heart. Be polite to M.I.L. Try and find some good in her, which she may have. When you meet, embrace and welcome her. BUT - recognize that this woman has an agenda, and it's opposed to your legitimate agenda. Tell your husband that his mom is a very dear person and you want the best for her. But convey that his responsibilities to you and his future children will mean that he can't do all he would like to do for Mom. You don't want resources stolen from your future children to lavish on this woman. Stop thinking that "controlling and manipulating" are always wrong. I'm here to say that they are not. You are up against a woman who is all about manipulating, and she is not about to change. Your husband is being manipulated. From babyhood, he was trained to be manipulated by her. Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.

This woman is a human being with a story of her own. She deserves compassion and understanding. Something happened that led to her not believing in her own ability to take care of herself. She may be a product of a dysfunctional family. So she does what she knows how to do. Gradually, you'll learn the story of how she came to be as she is. It's possible to care about someone, without being willing to enable that person's weakness. Your husband needs to learn that he shouldn't have to buy his mother's love. He needs to learn that it's not his job to solve all his mother's problems and that he won't be a bad person, if he stops doing that. So it would be good for you to plan on loving his mom, but plan on having to deal with her having a chronic problem. This is a problem that can be destructive to the happiness of your marriage, so you are going to have to expect to work on it with your husband . . . and that will be a slow process.