Thank you so much for your reply.

I am struggling so much with the "am I suicidal or not" question. I know I should stop seeking reassurance etc. but the thoughts feel so real. The urges are so real. I need to move flats and I don't want to go anywhere over ground floor.Tried Zoloft but within two days it made my anxiety worse. I am practically living with diazepam. I don't want to be on this drug..

Will see my doc on Thursday to try a different antidepressant. But I just want to ask, is it normal to doubt yourself when you have thoughts and urges like that? Shouldnt I be certain of what I am feeling and be able to differentiate thought from desire?

Sorry for the probably ridiculous questions but I am so new to this and so stressed.