Mapper you are going on and on about what your husband said, what he does or doesn't do. Your step daughter, and her litany of behaviors and problems.

If you are just venting then that's ok. If you want someone to tell that it's a good idea to let your SD live with you.... I doubt that's going to happen.

It doesn't sound like you are ready to address the root problem here...your behavior and accepting unacceptable behavior in others. All I'm hearing. I can't ....I can't handle anger, I can't handle confrontation.... I can't ....I can't..... can't....

Nothing in life stays the same. If you don't make some changes, it's going to get worse....and then a lot worse.