This is a painful thought and post for me, but I've not seen it noted on PC before, so I wanted to bring the subject up.

I am experiencing very painful ET right now. But approx. a week ago, it occurred to me that the sexual or erotic feelings were not at the heart of what I felt. Rather abruptly, I realized it was my T's head and heart that I wanted - essentially, the things that made them them. The erotic feelings are important in a relationship, but they are simply an expression of what we should be feeling more deeply for the person.

I have realized in the past week that my T has a mate who has spent almost 40 years with them, been T's partner raising children, has ministered to T when illness arose, helped run the household, and on and on. Why would I think that T would want to give all of that up for me? Or if one doesn't think that far ahead, why would T feel anything close to what feelings are shared w/their mate? Fantasies and erotic dreams are not a relationship. Why would I expect these feelings to be anything but painful?

Everyone fantasizes. I used to think that these erotic feelings could be worked through in therapy, but I'm not sure, now. I hope I'm wrong as I don't want my therapy to end feeling so much pain. Maybe if I continue to remind myself that the erotic feelings I have are not at the heart of what is important to me, I will be able to spend more time appreciating the person who is trying to help me.

Just my thoughts for those of us who get tangled up in ET.