Stupid me..

I moderate a yahoo group. An ex-friend of mine, someone who hurt me very badly, posted to it yesterday, and I just saw the posts this morning. This is someone who accused and still accuses me of stalking and controlling him.

What happened is that he saw an email that I wrote to a different friend. I was having a very bad day and said something negative about him in the email. Instead of confronting me about it, he gave me the silent treatment. Finally after a couple months and several unanswered inquiries, he blew up at me and accused me of trying to control him. But he wouldn't accept my apologies. He wouldn't even talk to me about it. Instead, he said things to people about the whole thing that he knew would get back to me. And meanwhile, this other friend of mine (who is friends with him in real life) won't talk about it, won't help me try to understand what on earth is going on. But she has been more distant lately, polite but distant. So I think she is pissed at me too, but is too polite to say anything.

This, of course, has retriggered my PTSD and my general anxiety problems. Once again, I am on the verge of ditching my friends online because I don't feel I can trust anyone any more. Trust has always been difficult for me. And right now, I want to retreat.

I am trying not to overreact, but the PTSD makes me very edgy and reactive, and well, I don't think I need to explain that...

I think I have been stupid for trusting anyone again.

Obsidian