I thought I would post about my experience of being terminated and coming out on the other side because I know I thought it wasn't possible.

My T. terminated me 2 years ago this month over my transference. I had MET with her and she was consuming my thoughts. I was going to her after the death of my emotionally distant mother who abused alcohol and prescription drugs. I had been to my T. in the past and never had any feelings for her until my mom died. I had the impression that she was the only one who could help me. I knew I wasn't getting better but was afraid no one else could help me. I knew at the time there were questionable things going on but I kept thinking she knew best. She eventually made me space every 2 weeks and then terminated. I got confirmation from other therapists that her termination was unethical - she gave me 1 more session after the notice and then got upset when I told her I had seen another therapist.

I immediately saw another therapist who I believe was sent to me in some way. I hated every moment of the first two months. I had panic attacks and felt I wasn't going to get better. The entire first year we just processed my experience with my ex-T. I learned how inappropriate she was with me and how her actions were feeding my transference. I wrote her a letter about a year and a half in telling her all the ways she treated me incorrectly. Her assumptions were wrong and she fed my problems. I had other therapists telling me I should file a complaint.

We ended up working out at the same gym where I had gone for years. It was awkward at first but we ended up talking every time I saw her. For about 8 months now I've wanted to ask her about her experience with me - what was she thinking or feeling. She never said a word about the letter I wrote her. So, this past weekend I decided to do it. I asked "what was your experience with me". Her response was "we've discussed it". I laughed out loud and told her she used to say that to me all the time. She then told me about a client who disassociates and how she figured it out like she wanted to end reminding me that she's good. I never disassociated with her. She never answered my question - just made the focus about her. Exactly how it used to be.

I left her and in that moment felt free. I no longer think about her or care what she's doing. And I would prefer to never see her again. It's just a healthy closure and a realization that she will never be able to answer any of my questions.

Now, I GET to move on and enjoy the therapist that was put into my life. So, it is possible. It takes time and a lot of tears. It takes a TON OF WORK and figuring everything out. But, it can be done.