I've taken enough time off of work and now I must go back tomorrow. I am nervous. Things aren't better with me in those 10 days off. I have a workaholic personality, but was hoping I could have got in to see my pdoc yesterday, but there was no wiggle room. Now I must ask the boss for more time, to take off to go to an appointment, as I attempt to get in soon. There's a lot of pressure to get back to work. Symptom-wise: things are very much "off." I'm falling deeper into this episode, where it's hard to hide anymore. Tonight, I don't know why I can't bring myself to sleep. There's just too much going through my mind. It's hard to even try.

See, usually I have a way of faking things that everything is okay. Sometimes I think I am good at doing that, but I guess others will have to be the judge of that. My mind keeps jumping to one thing to another: belief that I have a deadly illness, belief something bad is happening to my family and it all seems real in that very moment. I don't know what's in store for me......hopefully I won't get fired but get to see the pdoc sooner.