So sorry you are feeling this way. Mixed states are hellish and very difficult to navigate safely through. If you can't go IP then an emergency appointment with your pdoc is your next port of call. Perhaps a tweek in meds will calm you down and let you get back on with your life.

I understand the need to knock yourself out to escape for a while. Being mixed is exhausting in every way and very hard to deal with, and keep up with daily responsibilities. The most important thing is to do all you can to stay safe. Do you have much support around you?