Today was my last session with T. She is leaving her practice.
I didn't know what I wanted to say or do going into the session. I have been quite triggered and distressed leading up to this session and have found it hard to calm myself down the last few days. But once there I was a bit more detached and /or calmer and resigned.
We had to fill out assessment forms. I was annoyed that they had to take up some of my last minutes with T. But didn't know what else to say or do anyway. They were annoying reviews for insurance to assess progress with goals. I didn't even remember what goals I had set let alone made progress on them. So much for that.
I knew I wanted to thank her for some things, so I did that. I do appreciate T. I am grateful she has been there for me and put up with me. I know I am not an easy client.
I don't really remember what we talked about. Maybe just chit chat. Maybe just saying goodbye kind of stuff. I don't remember much.
I looked up at the clock and it was 15 minutes over time. I said Oh, its time to leave. She asked are you feeling ready to go? I said no. We laughed.
When we got to the door she didn't open it for me to leave as she normally does. She said how do you want to do this? Do you want to shake my hand, do you want a hug, what would you like to do?
I wanted/didn't want a hug. After a little bit of switching we agreed to a hug. We hugged. We left.
I will miss T. I trusted her. Her room was our safe place. If there was any choice about this we would have stayed with her. But there isn't.
Next week we start seeing new T regularly. I hope we can build an alliance with her. I don't know if we will be able to or not.

Goodbye T.