Quote:
Originally Posted by dshantel
So lately I have been dealing with feelings of jealousy towards my husband. I know it's rediculous but I'm just here watching my life pass me by and accomplishing nothing. He's done so much and so far has reached his goals and continues to set and accomplish goals. I have goals and things I want to do but so many road blocks. I just feel like I do everything in accommodation to what he does. Yes I realize that he takes care of us and us the provider but I feel like I have no life. I can't get a normal day job due to child care expenses and if I did I would have to be the one to figure out childcare. I've been trying to find something overnight but I still have to work around his hours so in limited to 10pm to 6am and that's cutting it close. I have tried talking to him but all he says is that I'm not gonna find a job making what he makes. Yea that's true but I still have goals and dreams. It all just makes me wonder about my life and wish I had done things differently and that makes me feel so selfish.
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Your feelings are not selfish. Don't let your emotions become invalidated by your bipolar disorder. You are still human and not everything you feel has to be stifled or attributed to your mental illness. You are allowed to feel rational feelings.
I know what the depths of bipolar can do to your self-esteem. I get so tired of saying I'm sorry, or feeling ashamed and guilty. Too many times I don't even know what I have to be sorry or guilty about once I think about it.
The feeling that you are experiencing is similar to that of a lot of women, and some men. Holding in this feeling can build resentment and cause harm to your relationship in the long-run. I would really try to express how you feel, and work together to find a way to satisfy this very natural void in your life.
Have you ever considered working from home? Do you have any hobbies, or some you may want to take up? Gardening was extremely therapeutic for me.
(Head with caution. I tend to want to accomplish and start to many hobbies, or become obsessed when I am manic.)
There are many options other than the traditional 9-5 or overnight shifts. I can share some of the jobs I have had that has allowed me to work around my illness as much as possible if you'd like. I have you are able to find a compromise that allows you to achieve you goals as well.
