Hi CRG

Wow, that sounds like a lot of "hate"'s and I'm really sorry you feel that way about yourself, it must be really hard for you
And the question first and foremost in my mind is............has anything happened in your life/experience which could have triggered the first/any/all of those "hate"'s??
No obligation to answer at all if there has been........just........you do sound extremely hard on yourself...........and sometimes identifying/addressing/talking about reasons (if possible) for feelings can help........??

Alison