I want this the end, I want all of this to just burn down. Im so tired of trying to push through life only to be reminded of how meaningless this all is. What makes people get up just to get on with the same boring, monotonous routine, day in day out. I cant help but feel like existence is just a burden and life is just a 70 year long uphill battle just jumping through ****in hoops so we can just suffer slowly and die once were old and sick. I cant make any steps forward without the first thought being.....why bother? All lives end the same there is no pot of gold at the end of this rainbow of dissapointment we just stop breathing and get put in a hole to rot. I dont wanna deal with the constant state of stress life puts you in. Between watching my parents finally snap with each other for surpressing the urge to strangle each other for 20 years, watching my mom get depressed and losing her memory and my dad whos full of rage and resentment watching my mom piss his money away and now he wants all of us to talk about this which is just gonna end in screaming and tears, i want to avoid it, i dont wanna see my family come apart at the seams. Im tired of watching my peers all going to parties and traveling while i just work at my boring job with people who drive me nuts praying that i get to go home to my room and just play video games, closest I get to happy is when im alone doing that. My parents always wondering why all i care about is video games and fantasy not like anything in this boring miserable world is interesting its no wonder ive always loved comin home and sitting at my computer. They always give you the same **** too like "eh life sucks deal with it" or "if you hate your job just get a new one" like that'll change anything its all boring and tedious no matter where you go. Why do i feel like a foriegner to this world, ever since i was a kid i never felt comfortable no matter what social situation im in and i still feel that way. I just feel like im some obsessive nerd ranting about warhammer and dragonball and superheroes and nobody could honestly give a ****. So I just keep quiet, not like i enjoy socialising in the first place if anything social activities are what i usually evade and every time i want to go out and have an adventure I just end up goin out just to get sick of being around people and wanting to go home. Besides being ugly, overweight, and of course balding like an old man at 20 but also still bedwetting like a god damn toddler I dont even see the point in getting a girlfriend as it just seems like an opportunity for more problems to enter my life. Ive been thinking of ending it nearly everyday and im eating fast food crap all the time and i dont seem to care that im gaining my lost weight back(or maybe ive just become self-destructive) I dont even shower or brush my teeth I feel like im not in control of myself anymore and having my mind just bombarding me with all the miserable memories my life has produced and I want out. I see life for what it is and thats a tragic burden, nothin will change my constant state of existential resentment and depression and its only a matter of time before i snap. Thanks to anyone who read this or replies I honestly cant fathom why people would give a **** that im a loser but thank you nonetheless.