yeah...

im scared i think... but i dont know..
i cant tell... my emotions are ****ed up...
i dont know what i feel... i feel nothing
but its like im feeling a lot of things...

i want to get high and make it go away
but i dont because im tired of just ****ing around and being sick...
im sick of it...
sick of my life...
sick of myself...
sick of being dependent on substances to hide from demons...
sick of hiding...
just sick...

i feel ive been imprisoned for a long time and i want out...
i just want it all to be over...

being alive has been an entrapment for me...
i don't have fond memories...
i have never held anyone and felt a connection...
i have never had a relationship in my life besides a ****ed up long distance thing that messed me up even more due to her actions and treatment...

what am i supposed to hold onto?
they say think of a positive thing...
there is nothing...
i am nothing...
i am blank...
i am an empty shell... rotting in hell...

yet a player in a game called earth...
not for my sake... but for sake of others...
i just fuel my demons and mask my pain...
i smile and please everyone i can to try to survive...

this has to end... there has to be an end...