Veeda, what you described didn't seem weird to me at all. That seems like a fairly common element of sexual fantasy - sex and death, or sex between life and death. There's also that element of exposure and submission to others saving your life that I can understand.

Personally, I'm a woman who loves fantasizing about men being submissive. Not being beaten down or hit or anything like that (well maybe a little bit of pain), just tied down and exposed, usually in front of others. When I was a kid, there were some animated movies, like old weird Don Bluth movies, that showed scenes like a bird being tied up by a bunch of mice and hoisted up with a rope, and then stuck with a syringe in the back. I'm pretty sure that left an impression on me. I'm very shy and afraid of intimacy with men, but I LIVE off of men who show emotional vulnerability as well as physical, sexual vulnerability. I think it helps me to feel less threatened by men, if they're completely and utterly vulnerable.