I love what you have written and I hope I can become as strong as you. At this point I haven't been given(or accepted) a diagnosis. When the possibility was first mentioned I was quite receptive to the idea that it could be what I was dealing with and like you, I felt some validation. As things have gotten worse for me though I have started to wish that I could make it go away by ignoring it. I don't have a career and I'm afraid I will never be able to do anything I wanted now because of the negative image people seem to have of this.

I decided to be open with everyone I know about how horrible I have always felt and about how bad this last year has been and it was very freeing but then I was met with so many "I had no idea anything was wrong you always seemed fine."(either I was a good liar or none of them ever cared anyway, probably both) and lots of "lets hang out sometime"(which is fake its what people say when you attempt suicide or tell them you have been in and out of psych wards and jail cells lol no follow through)

I am super lucky to have an awesome husband too. He gets sick of some things like me not cleaning the house when I have no energy and then spending all my time walking, running, dancing or starting a bunch of projects that I will just leave half done all over the place when I do have energy. I get sick of all of it too so I don't blame him. I have become so difficult to be around so often lately and somehow he still loves me, forgives me time after time and helps me get through all of it. I think he wishes I would accept it and try to find some stability though. I just don't see stability as an option right now