Quote:
Originally Posted by zoiecat
The best thing to do would be to talk to your therapist about this. On the other hand from what I've observed from these forums is that outside contact seems to perpetuate these types of feelings and neediness. I know many people like the outside contact but they don't seem to see that it only causes them more stress when they don't get the immediate responses that they're looking for, or the therapist starts to tighten the boundaries as a result of it. I have absolutely no attachment to my therapist which is the opposite problem but I can see myself leaning your way if I was allowed constant outside contact. Since I don't contact him outside ever except for scheduling issues I don't have that problem to worry about. I am in no way blaming you but I feel a lot of therapists from my experience of reading this forum don't realize what they start with clients when they allow all of the outside contact. Therapist job is to give you the tools to help yourself but money for whatever reason same to Foster dependence on them which is not ethical.
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Completely agree with all of this.
Outside contact with my ex therapist didn't help me at all: in fact it fed my obsession about her.
I agree that a lot of therapists are completely in over their head when they offer outside contact to their clients. When the client starts to obsess about the therapist (which seems to happen quite often) and starts to email/call a lot, the therapist realizes this is too much for them and they tighten their boundaries.
And of course the client gets hurt.
Imo outside contact should be strictly defined from the get go.
But in the case of the OP I don't see any solution because they've been used to a lot of outside contact and if/when the therapist decides to change the rules, it will inevitably hurt.