Oh my goodness dear, I DO feel your pain. I went through a similar experience not through the internet but by living near him. I used to jog to the school near where I used to live and I would pass his house on my way there and back again. He developed an obsession with me that really had nothing to do with me and everything to do with his fantasy of me. Please don't discount yourself for falling for a guy on the internet. Sometimes reading a person's writing can be even more attractive than face to face. You don't see him doing things like picking his nose, etc.. instead all you see is the fantasy you create around his writings. I had not been in a real relationship since my divorce five years earlier, that divorce about killed me and I vowed to be single to raise my daughter who was two at the time and to give myself the time I needed to heal. So after five years of no guys in my life I was quite swept off my feet by the many presents , phone calls and compliments he basically saturated me with. I kept him at a distance at first and would see him occasionally for a drink. i too limit my drinking because of stupid things I do that I almost ALWAYS regret the next day. He also was a drunk just like your guy. Our relationship, once I let him in progressed far to quickly for my tastes and I kept trying to establish healthy boundaries and he kept breaking them. Over and over we would fight, make up and then be OK for a day or two and back to fighting. He was ridiculously jealous and I knew it is often the ones who are the most jealous who are the ones who cheat. Sure enough within a few months he cheated on me. We separated and I called him to try to get a very nice jacket and pair of pants he had of mine among other things. He completely ignored my phone calls for a week and then shows up at the school where I was jogging on his bike smiling and acting like nothing was wrong. Previously he had "sweated" me with all his daily texts and phone calls so when he didn't respond to me for a week it threw me into a rage, just as he had hoped. He ended up having an affair with his daughter in law (yep!) who lived directly in the apt. across from me and started having me followed and stalking me at the same time. I went back to him one time but then I drew the line and said no. He relentlessly stalked me for over a year and I had to move way out in the country and get two very large German Shepherds before I felt I had controlled the stalking situation. The hardest part in leaving him was to stop the non stop thoughts going round in my head. I knew he loved me, I knew I was healthier mentally, emotionally basically in every way more than him but I still would read over my journals from the "love bombing" time because I was almost spellbound by him. Over time, and yes it's hard pill to swallow, but time is the magic answer it's true, time and distance. Distance is key because when you are still longing for his touch you must avoid all contact, so painful but so worth it. With time and distance I became able to put my logic into action and not let my emotions rule me. I couldn't date as he did as I am too sensitive but I began to be grateful for his lessons. That's how I thought of it~a lesson, I wanted to get back in the country again and because of him it happened in a miraculous way. I wanted to train personal protection dogs for women who have dealt with "bad" men and because of him I did and do just that. At some point even though the desire was there I stopped reading my journals and put them in my daughter's room so that I always would put her first whenever I would be tempted to reread the romance and become enamored once again. Now over a year later he still annoys me as every once in a while I think I see him go by my house or I think he may have gotten in my house but I never was and am not afraid of him so I just think he is pathetic. I, with distance, gained perspective and was able to let go. You are very strong mentally if you made it though nursing school and i'll bet your quite logical as well. Your writing states that to me. So listen to your logic and do it, whatever that voice is telling you. Even though it hurts, even though it sucks, even though you just want one more compliment or kiss, act upon your logic anyway and soon, down the line you, will start seeing results and they will be the building blocks to create the life you desire. Amazingly, because I did just as I'm telling you to do, I started seeing my ex husband for the narcissist he is and realized that I had a habit of letting men like this into my life. In the beginning with this type of man I felt I had all the control but in the end I was reduced to a mud puddle and lost all control. So that's another good thing by ex boyfriend taught me. You can do this and make a new life for yourself and you will gain a fair amount of respect in yourself if you can remain resolute. There is a quote that has inspired me and I will leave it with you, "Don't give up now chances are~Your best kiss, your hardest laugh and your greatest day are yet to come." ) Hope this helps you, good luck, don't give up and feel free to message me if you need to vent, talk, etc...