Hey Matt
You have no idea how much I can relate to your situation (or maybe you do?), it's almost like we're the same person. All those family issues (which family, right?), problems with socializing, self-destructive life habits, using the computer to escape this s****y reality, hating my body, feeling like a failure in everything I attempt and especially feeling like a foreigner in this world since I was born.
I still haven't found a solution for all this, and this drives me mad even more. I can't stand remaining in this situation anymore and not knowing how to change it makes me feel like a looser even more.
But I sincerely do care for you, maybe also because I know how this feels.
I sincerely hope that you keep remaining your strength and won't give in to this temting desire to end your life. Because I am convinced that you deserve to have the life you whish for and that you are just of the same worth as all those other people who get to have those perfect lives that I/you wish to have.