<font color="purple"> ((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS ))))))) </font>

First I would like to say - I am sorry for all the pain and confusion you are having to deal with.........

Now from a personal side of the fence I would like to ask - Is it possible that you are having all these mixed up feelings due to your sexual past, both from abuse & consent, have they confused your mind so much that you have not really had a normal chance to decide who you are?

I ask for I went thru some thing similar to what you are describing and I once thought I might be gay or bi, but it turned out more to be that I was so fearful and angry at what many men had done to me sexually as a child that my mind found it easier to love and attach to females...... for they had not hurt me (emotionally, physically or sexually).