Hi all,
Sorry for posting so much these days. I am in the midst of some excruciating attachment work that feels like torture. I don't really know where to start and posting on this subforum feels incredibly vulnerable and terrifying to me. Out of all the people I could be sharing this stuff with though, you guys are definitely by the far the most understanding and accepting. I feel sick to my stomach saying this, but I have a strong attraction towards my T. It's incredibly difficult because I also wish she was my Mum, which feels gross and weird considering The two very different types of attraction I'm magically experiencing all at once. I don't know, I guess I just want her to be everything to me. I have had attachments to older women in the past (prev T, nurses/doctors, teachers, etc), but none of them have ever feel even remotely sexual/romantic in nature. They've all just felt like deep longings for them to be my Mum. This time, with this T, it feels much different and I have no idea. I've actually never felt sexually attracted to anyone until her. It's weird, I'm a young adult and I've never experienced these feelings until now. I don't know how to work through them though. I don't feel like I could ever tell my T as I can barely type the words out here or utter the words, "I'm gay" out loud. Rationally, I know experiencing sexuality is healthy and normal, but I just can't stop feeling gross about myself. I've never had a boyfriend or really close friends, so I'm pretty sure my attachment figures are my most intimate relationships. I just can't seem to break the cycle. I wish I was attracted to boys my age, but I'm just not. I just feel so gross and I hope all of this doesn't come across as disgusting and totally bizarre.