I too am so sorry for this heart rending you are going through....I do not know if you are a bad parent or not...I have known children that have ran away and could not for the life of me figure out any reason why they would....yet now years have passed and those same children look upon the parent they ran from as the most beloved person in their life....

It might be too...that if your daughter had been living with her mother...she might have ran away from her mother at this time....running to you...!....

You are already wise enough to know that anger is just the mask your hurt is wearing...and know that you ARE grieving....you have reason to grieve too....I have over 90 nieces and nephews and greats....and for the most part at some time or other the majority have 'hated' their parents...and a whole whopping lot of them have asked at one time or another to live with me....because their parents are so....mean...stupid...hateful....you name it and I have heard it....and out of them all there is not one that after getting past a certain age...does not once again love those same parents beyond the beyond....

I would agree with reb569.....about letting your daughter know that you LOVE her...and that you will be there for her...technology does allow that....in some way....even if blocked you can revert to snail mail...remember her birthdays and other days in her life that are special....

If you have a therapist talk to them about this....and I think...this is just opinion...medication changes your brain.....so talk about that with your therapist too....awareness of how medication functions in your brain...can help you too if that is any kind of factor...adding to the mix...of what you are feeling....

For example...there was a time where I was on large does of morphine....for months....with additional injections...when there was going to be added ouch.....I remember in my life people's explanation of morphine...taking away pain......I was confused by that later when taking it....because....i remember being in incredible pain...then in studying....in the brain....morphine doesn't actually take away your pain...it works in the receptors of your brain...that make you care about pain...it blocks the part of your brain that makes you care...if you HAVE pain...interesting little process that....and in hindsight I could see too...that it blocked other factors of the way I cared about things.....I know zero about any of the medications you have listed...so they may or may not be a factor...yet they might be.....as to how you are feeling...or even in how you have interacted with your daughter and her perceptions...I had a friend whose mother was very ill and dying for a long time...that mother was on morphine too....and my friend talked about how she just didn't feel her mother cared about her anymore....and I told her about the morphine and my understanding of it....and it helped my friend...through that awareness of the medication to see that it wasn't her mother rejecting her....I don't know if that makes sense....just reminding of the possibility of another layer that may be factoring into what you and your daughter are feeling....

I hope your heart and that of your daughter....find peace...and she remembers your love...