Typical male. Have seen this so many times. I am experiencing a similar thing in the extended family area - except it is with his sociopathic, narcissistic mother!
Like sunrise stated, if you are unable to get across to your H that his kids are controlling the relationship, then maybe a third party, like a therapist, can get through to him.
If not, I doubt he will ever "see" it.
I would not involve his kids in this matter, at least not until you two have had a chance to deal with this situation first. Getting the kids involved at this stage will only cause further tension. I would not even discuss this with the kids and I would ask that your husband also keep this between the two of you, because if the kids ever got wind of this and they do have as much control as you say, then you are toast!
Good luck! You're gonna need it.
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"Lord, we know what we are, yet know not what we may be."
Hamlet, Act 4, sc v
Wm. Shakespeare
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