Wow I thought I was the only one who felt like this. I also don't know who I actually am. I just know that I am a failure in so mny ways and that I can't carry on with this. SO I tried to reinvent myself and to look for people I can see as rolemodels. But it has ended in me just trying to imitate those people (even if I actually fail at this, too). But I really WANT to be like these people by now because it is just so much better than being the failure that I truly am... There's no day where I wake up and not wish to be someone else.
But this also results in not knowing what I actually am good at (if something like this exists at all) because all my rolemodels are good at things I am bad at...