Hi phantom. Welcome to Psych Central. Sorry you are suffering so. What mental health professionals are you willing to see? Psychiatrists can help balance brain function and restore stability with meds. Talk therapists can help you cope with life and find a way out of the difficult situation you describe.

If you do not want professional help please consider life style changes that may help. My eating sufficient protein with a low carb diet helps to allay my weight concerns but still allow the brain adequate resources to function without a crisis mode. Exercise helps me stabilize my energy and restore a feeling of wellness to the body even if my mind still needs more work.

Maybe these articles will help
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/coping-depression/

Living with Depression: A Guide for Coping with Depressive Feelings | Psych Central

Dealing with Depression on Your Own