Everything is a trigger, especially when I am stressed. AND I AM SO STRESSED.

I am waiting on someone. Waiting to find out the fate of my future.

I am trying to be patient. I understand that everyone needs their time and their space to make important decisions and I am desperately trying to allow this to happen.

But my illness-related behaviours are beginning to bubble to the surface and I find that it is becoming increasingly difficult to control them.

I feel the dissociative state beginning to take over. Once this happens, I no longer care about anything - the situation that caused it; the consequences of my behaviours; nor the people who will be affected by it. In other words, I feel the need to destroy the problem that is causing this. If that means going to extremes, then so be it. Whatever works, right?

I cannot talk to anyone IRL - no one understands!!!

The worst thing is I cannot make them understand. I try to explain, but nothing makes sense to anyone but me! And the patronizing I get from family (although I know they mean well) just makes it that much more difficult to remain in control.

I am so lost and confused! And I am running out of patience!