Thanks for being so welcoming and comforting Shleigh. You got it exactly right I have spent so much damn time depressed, chained to the couch, falling asleep before the kids even went to bed, crying, hating life. I spent most of the last year self harming and consumed by thoughts of suicide. I finally have relief. The seroquel was a horrible experience as was being locked up in the psych ward. I can't go back to any of that. There is still some piece of me that says I should be responsible and work with my pdoc honestly but mostly I just want to enjoy this and that seems to be taking priority over safety, stability, family probably health too. But I'm pretty strong so a person or two doesnt scare me and I'm a good runner so when there are 10 people coming towards me in the deserted streets I can get home super fast lol. Might go out again soon they are probably passed out in their homes by now!