My mother called me crying today begging for me to go there because my father was sick and she was scared.
When I pulled into their driveway I wished the ambulance was there, I wished he had had a stroke or a heart attack, I wished he had already died.
I don't feel bad about wishing that.
I feel terrible about wishing that.
I don't want him to die because of the expectations of the funeral.
He is a community man. So many people think he is wonderful.

P.S. He wasn't dead.