Thank you all for the kind words and advice.
I do believe being labelled mentally ill can cause me to question my perception. It doesn't help that when I feel the emotions get too much to be silent and I react, I am told to take another pill or that I need to check into a mental hospital. I resent those statements but then wonder.. am I really crazy!?
I have found peace in spending time with my children, it is like an anchor in my life for sure. I know that they mean the world to me, that is not an illusion. I have been finding that spending time with them outside on long walks along the river is so peaceful and just grounds me completely.

Hopingtrying, I am so thankful for the medication. Without it, I'm not sure I would be here at all. But you are right, sometimes I wonder if it's me talking or the medication. I definitely don't act upon the urges I feel until I feel completely confident the action is correct. I do try to sleep on it, but sometimes I feel that after a sleep, the urge to leave is gone and I think... maybe it will be okay. But it still persists and then I cycle through the feelings all over again and then feel even more like a failure the longer I don't act. It's a nasty cycle that's for sure.
I have taken a tiny break from seeking to 'fix' my issue as it was causing so much anxiety that I was starting to lose sleep. Iv started taking better care of myself and taking the time to enjoy myself and my children and just working on being putting boundaries in place in the meantime.
Kathryn, I find it so much easier to look to others for opinions and advice. It's probably the reason I post here lots!! I did have a therapist and she was amazing. It was during my time with her that I found the confidence to leave my partner the first time. Due to working full time and over, I stopped seeing her and I think I lost the support I really needed during this. I may call today and see if I can fit in again. She was an amazing help.

I guess I wish I could just make decisions on my own without having to check with everyone to see if what I feel is right or if it's normal. I wish I knew what normal was.