Quote:
Originally Posted by Zedsdead
Hopingtrying, I am so thankful for the medication. Without it, I'm not sure I would be here at all. But you are right, sometimes I wonder if it's me talking or the medication. I definitely don't act upon the urges I feel until I feel completely confident the action is correct. I do try to sleep on it, but sometimes I feel that after a sleep, the urge to leave is gone and I think... maybe it will be okay. But it still persists and then I cycle through the feelings all over again and then feel even more like a failure the longer I don't act. It's a nasty cycle that's for sure.
I have taken a tiny break from seeking to 'fix' my issue as it was causing so much anxiety that I was starting to lose sleep. Iv started taking better care of myself and taking the time to enjoy myself and my children and just working on being putting boundaries in place in the meantime.
I guess I wish I could just make decisions on my own without having to check with everyone to see if what I feel is right or if it's normal. I wish I knew what normal was.
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Zedsdead--I still take medications as well. With time, we become used to them and learn what they can and can't do for us but they do pose risks--especially when we make big changes to dosages. They provide some relief but do not change us IPO.
You say you want to act but are to anxious to act (leave him). It seems like either you love him and/or afraid of him. You really need to evaluate in an unemotional way if he is dangerous; otherwise, it would be easier for you. I cannot remember if he has hit you? (I think he has.) You are in grave danger in the long run if he has been violent. The only exception to this would be if he was drinking when he did this and no longer touches alcohol. Sometimes people do things under the influence that they would not do sober. He has not been a good provider. Is this improving? What do you think his intent is? It is tough for some to find a job. Does he want to use you or is he trying but just having challenges? You said he treats one child badly--perhaps this is because he is not interested in really young children (so unusual) but if he is still like this when the child is 2, 3, that is a bad sign for the child's future. You are so wounded by the way your mother treated you. Your H could (only you can evaluate) do the same damage to one of yours (his). Sorry to bring up this depressing subject. I am glad you are enjoying your children. I think the main problem with my marriage is that I love my children more than H sometimes. They want different things. Huge conflicts.
Our mental issues/financial issues/etc can be distracting but you do need to evaluate and act based on facts, not emotions, concerning staying married to this man.....