Haha perhaps my ego is a bit big for listening to others(even though they know what they're talking about)

The reason I am starting to think I am just a bad person is because every time I come out of the depression this is who I am. And the fact is I am completely aware of the choices I am making. I know they are wrong and I make them anyway. I feel I want to make the right decision but then i don't!

There are times when I'm not as aware of my bad decisions and choices of words until after the fact but those are like swearing on the playground while talking to other peoples kids and making jokes about people who got hurt( i mean they were stupid but still respect used to be a thing in my brain) These big ones I am consciously making.

I will update if I get over my need for destruction in my life and actually follow through with the decision to do the right thing.

Thanks for all the encouragement even with the warning that trying to help me isn't worth it lol