I'm often given good advise and yet I'm not capable at the time of following it. I know you don't want advise but perhaps you could just start being honest with the people who give the advise, telling them you don't plan to follow it and why. If you can begin being honest in that way with people, perhaps you can get some where with understanding why you do what you do on a deeper level. Perhaps not. In any case, I hope you find what you need to be safe and satisfied without as much destruction. (((Hugs)))