<font color="purple"> ((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS ))))))) </font>
I am sorry this part of your life is being effected so strongly by your past - please know what you are describing is a very normal process that many abuse victims go thru. I wish I could change this for you, but since I cannot I would like to ask "What have you and your T have been able to work on in this area" - Good Luck.
BTW - I understand too.