I'm SO tired of only surviving each and every day.
Of surviving all the thoughts and questions and feelings...

I'm tired of going to sleep feeling scared.
Of feeling unsafe and that there is no safe place for me because i'm scared even of people living close to me so that i can hear what they do.
I'm tired of having to hide things and keep secrets and even hide myself or try to be invisibile.
I'm tired of interacting with others because i have to.
I'm tired of having to pretend, of having to please others, of listening to others, of talking with others, of having to do with others.
I'm tired of thinking about my old T and new T and feel they cant possibly care and dont care.
I'm tired of wondering why other people dont answer my texts, messages, emails... Wondering if and what i have done wrong.
I'm tired of wondering and guess what other people want, think, feel... what they want and expect from me.
I'm tired of having to put up with others and of feeling uncomfortable around them when they are who they are in their daily routines.
Im tired of feeling uneasy with others, when i realize they have a body and it disgusts me.
I'm tired of fantasies, of hurting people and of being hurt.
I'm tired of going to sleep with all these thoughts.
Tired of work, of waking up, of living, of existing, of ME...
Tired of eating and fighting with eating
Tired of being different, feeling differently, thinking differently.
I'm tired of being not normal... Of not being able to be normal...
Tired of this life.