i am sorry you are in so much pain... and i don't think your whiny... i am so sorry that hurt so much that you cut...but i am really glad that you don't go deep... i don't see it as being a coward... sometimes it takes more courage to control it... then it does not too... and it takes a really brave person to reach out and ask for a hand-up... i know first hand how hard it is... i think we just have to keep replacing all those false messages that flood our thoughts...lyn